Sunday, May 11, 2014

Journalling For a Clear Mind

I made an impulse purchase. I'm not proud of it. My Amazon Store card debt is becoming a problem... for another day. I got a new laptop. My MacBook that I've had for at least seven years was making obscene noises, overheating, and working at a snails pace.

Point. Click. Within three days I had a new HP Chromebook. Amazon you're creepy with your insanely fast delivery. Never change.

Who's ready to publish me? 
My shiny new gadget is supposed to make it easier for me to keep this baby updated. I don't have to rely on posting while I'm at work. I can tell you on a whim exactly what I'm feeling. Are you ready for this?! We're going to get to know each other on a deeper level. So get ready with your commenting.

I kid.

Tonight laying leisurely on my couch I do want to tell you about my journalling. For the last month it's become part of my nightly routine. I'm having a-ha moments. A-ha moments are crucial to personal growth. My penmanship is also looking a little more fanciful gliding on the page. 

Having sweaty hands makes writing a bitch. Did you see one of my tips on that? Despite the aggravation that comes with smeared ink and soggy pages writing can be a very therapeutic processing tool. If writing gets you down maybe try typing? What are some methods you use?

Dating, career exploration, and general life motions have my thoughts swirling out of control making me anxious. My writing allows me to catch them as I can. Like butterflies in a net I can't get them all. Even if I'm only able to wrangle a few in I can still come to those a-ha moments. As I'm writing the clutter becomes organized and I can make sense of what is taking up space in my brain.

This next week presents a challenge for me. One that I have seen before. Out of paranoia I'm not going to tell you all the details. I'm putting a concerted amount of effort into this challenge. Something I would have never done before. My motto has been "what will be will be." That's great for protecting myself against failure. But what opportunities have I missed out because I was too afraid to try? No longer can I just let things happen. When energy is put in then of course what is meant to be will be. I can say I tried if it doesn't work out. If it does work out I will have the great satisfaction of knowing I didn't miss an opportunity just because I didn't work for it. The moment did not pass me by. 

It's easy to get over failure. With failure comes an end point. You can move on. Sometimes failure will present a starting point to learn something new. When you don't put in the effort you're left with "what could have been?" That is called regret. Regret can last a lifetime. 

On this a-ha-I-gotta-put-effort-into-things realization kick I wrote a mock letter to Michael that I hope to rewrite and send later this month. The idea of sending a letter and the thoughts I want to convey have been buzzing in my head. I finally penned it down. My mind feels a bit more clear. Writing this letter is me getting over the fear of feeling like a fool. If Michael doesn't vibe with this letter I will be upset. I will feel like a fool for trying. I will get over that upset. I will not feel like a fool forever.  Not sending the letter will mean a lifetime of what could of been between us? Why chance that?

Taking matters into my own hands. I'll let you know how it works out.

What do you want to go after? What do you need clarity on?