Monday, December 23, 2013

Pantiliners for Sweaty Armpits

'Tis the season to fret over which dresses will and won't show pit stains. Last winter I spotted a simple yet beautiful royal blue sheath dress on sale. Pat on the back for my cost savings but immediate face palm for not knowing if this dress would show sweat. 

Classy for the holidays
Just look at that gorgeous color! How could I resist? I went all year without wearing the beaut. It wasn't until I threw my Third Annual Holiday Crock Pot Party that I had an excuse to wear it.

Yes, Crock Pot Party is exactly what you think it is. I invite a bunch of friends, they bring Crock Pots full of delicious food, there is one Crock Pot for hot cider, we drink, we are merry, and we have a fucking ball. This one was by far my favorite Crock Pot Party. 

Man friend not pictured. 
Leading up to the party I did no sweat prep. I didn't look to see if I had clean stockings without holes, I didn't see if I had a clean slip dress to wear under, and I didn't test the fabric to see how much sweat it could hold before a stain showed. Call me a wild woman.

I did go to hot yoga the morning of the party. This helps ensure I don't sweat for a few hours after. My nerves chill out a bit. 

30 minutes before getting dressed memories of past parties slapped me hard. I was reminded that it gets hot in a house filled with people, when I drink I sweat, and I start to sweat more when interacting with people I haven't seen in a while. HOLY SLOW COOKED MEATBALL WHY DIDN'T I PREPARE?

I called out to my roommate, "Laila! Can you come help me for a moment?" Her boyfriend was in the house so I couldn't quite request what I wanted. "Do you have pantiliners? I want to use them for the pits of my dress." Every so helpful she said, "Yes! And good idea!" No shame in asking.

Not just for your underwear.
I recommend buying a thicker liner. Liners that err on the side of a pad. Do not go cheap on this folks. Cheap liners will crumple up, not stick very well, and ultimately fall on the ground in front of the person you're talking to. I went with the store brand version of Always Xtra Protection line. Look for the purple box in the US. International readers if you have an equivalent let us know in the comments. 

The liners worked but not as well as I hoped. It hedged some sweating but not completely. I could've put new liners in midway through the party and that would've done the trick. 

Through the night I had no major sweat panics. Except for one brief moment. Man friend and I were walking outside when he leaned in to tell me, "There is a stain on your back." I FREAKED OUT internally. I slyly walked through the party trying not to show my back.

Was it a period stain? A sweat stain? I was feeling dewey all over. Oh my god I have a huge sweat stain on my back.

I go to my bathroom to see a small white spot of powdered sugar. I didn't even bother wiping it off. I marched outside and informed man friend that he gave me an unnecessary heart attack and to NEVER do that again.

It's reported to be 81 degrees in LA on Christmas. Bah humbug. 

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Disney's Frozen for the Sweaty

It's screener season in Los Angeles. Friends and bosses of friends start receiving films in the mail to consider for awards season. It's a beautiful thing to watch new releases for free from the comfort of your own space. 

Last night the man friend and I watched Frozen at my request. I highly recommend this film to anyone with a soul. I'll warn the music isn't up to Disney classic standards. That said, I loved this film. 
My HH friends you will relate to this film.

Girl, I know that look.
I choked up when Elsa has her coronation to be queen. She wears gloves to mask her magical powers that torment her. Her hands tremble as she faces the crowd on what's supposed to be a joyous occasion. The anguish that almost paralyzes her is something we can all relate to with HH. How closely the story is tied to her hands is really something sweet for us. 

Also, Olaf is now one of my new favorite Disney characters. He gave me some hearty belly laughs. Thanks, Olaf you're the best. All things cheesy and delightful bring them my way.

More Olaf!
Although I was pumped to watch the film I wasn't the most relaxed to start. It was my last date night for a long while with man friend. We were a little frantic getting together since he completely forgot the actual date he was flying home for Christmas. He had planned for another day in LA while his plane ticket did not. So I rushed home and packed a bag to stay the night. 

I forgot to pack socks. Such an amateur move. How did I forget to pack SOCKS?! I threw on my lounge clothes and a pair of slip on shoes. It should be burned in my memory that when I lounge around I need to wear socks. This isn't a new revelation. I cannot have my feet dangling free. 

To top it off it was hot in his apartment. I immediately questioned if the heater was on. It was not. I then asked if we could open the door to let in fresh air. Fresh air was not making its way in quickly enough. Feet were dripping wet. I sat with my legs crossed hoping my pants would mop up the sweat. I became uncomfortable. I flopped around trying to find the perfect sweat wicking position. He was none the wiser of my droplets but I feared him finding out.

My body must have been radiating heat because asked if he should open a window. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES. There was a nice cross breeze that moved through the stuffy apartment. Finally, I was able to kick my legs out across the couch and focus on the film. My sweating subsided. They were still clammy but they were manageable and less embarrassing. 

When we started chatting after the film the sweating started up again. A fun reminder that I can't always have complete control. I had a similar takeaway from watching Frozen.

I'm planning to have "SOCKS" tattooed on my arm real soon. 

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Death to Insecurity

Tacos, Bud Light Lime-a-Ritas, and my best friends were exactly what the soul ordered last night. 

The last day in Zion my emotions got the best of me taking me on a roller coaster of god know's what. Luckily I was able to summon my "LA Family" for a dinner to catch up. Our core group of five helps keep me grounded, provides a safe space to say what's really on my mind, and allows me to be off-the-wall silly. We were long overdue for a family dinner without lovers/significant others. 

Cozy at Russell's place with slow cooked carnitas tacos (veggie tacos for Lena) we dished, laughed, and I shared my crazy brain thoughts. It felt good to get outside of my head and say exactly what was on my mind. Side bar: Bud Light Lime-a-Ritas are stupidly delicious not to mention cheap too. Those little punches of delicious alcohol might have helped propel words out of my mouth. 

Later that night, I'm not quite sure how it came up, but we got on the topic of tarot reading. Russell has a deck handy for readings. Very eager for clarity I volunteered myself for the first reading. 
I meditated on my confidence. At my first therapy appointment last month I brought it up as a key concern and it shows through my blog posts.

What do I need to do to move confidently in (romantic) relationships?

Hot damn you guys. The cards knew what was up. The reading is not meant to predict the future. You can't ask the cards a yes or no question. You have to be ready to go on a journey with the cards. It confirmed my fears and gave me the confidence to move forward.

In these cards I see hope and hilarity.  No really.

The funniest moment came when Russell said, "This next card shows how you view your present state or what you think of yourself." Quickly I said, "Watch it's going to be the death card." It wasn't the death card but it was The Tower card that shows people jumping out of a burning tower. I laughed right out loud. It's true that I feel like my life is in utter chaos. Look at the picture above. You can't help but laugh at the over dramatization. 

I ended on a high note. I got the Death Card. I was alarmed at first too, but as Russ explained it's a death to a part of me. Death to my insecurity. Good things are on their way folks.

Russ continued to read my friend's cards individually. It was a great experience to help understand which each one of us is battling with. The cards really helped us put into words what we're feeling, and how we want to move forward. 

I am very energized. Have you ever had a reading? Have you had a bad reading?

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Winter Getaway: Zion National Park

Overdue for a weekend getaway a friend of mine was kind enough to host me and some pals at his parent's vacation home in Springdale, Utah. Just a hop, skip, and a jump from Zion National Park the house is a perfect getaway offering both adventure and relaxation.

This was my fourth trek out to this wondrous, beautiful, jaw dropping, magical place. I wasn't dead set on conquering Angel's Landing (done it) or ruining my knees on Observation Point (been there). My agenda was simple: drink whiskey, eat a lot of cheese dip, hike a bit at a steady pace, laugh a lot, and shut my brain off. 

Some of those things did happen, some did not, and some adventure in between fell upon us. Quite literally, keep reading. My carpool didn't make it to the house until 3am. After seven hours on the road I was acting like caged animal. After hugs and hallelujahs of finally making it we crashed. All cozy in my bed I somehow woke up just four hours later. It was about 10:30 am and by some miracle we had the energy to go hiking.

Winter presents some hazards at the Emerald Pools.

We made our way to the Emerald Pools to find out the trail was mostly frozen over and chained off. Being confident and stupid I went over the chain to investigate. It was no joke. The trail had no wiggle room for hikers without an ice pick. A few years prior we had managed to hike around the ice. 

On to the next! We knew Watchman Trail was a good easy hike that was mostly in the sun. Despite feeling like hell I kept a fast pace. I suppose I just wanted to get it over with. Once we got to the end of the trail I could feel my energy levels plummeting. My body was giving me a huge bitch slap for treating it so poorly. 

On this trail I broke into a sweat despite it being about 30 degrees out. I was wearing two pairs of pants to keep warm, and despite my clever layering feared I might be bleeding through. No period stains just sweat, hoorah!

As soon as we returned to the house I retreated while everyone else drank and played games. So proud my FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) didn't take over. I slept for three hours until I was awoken with an abrupt knocking on my door. "The restaurant closes in an hour! We gotta go!" I bolted out of bed and threw on shoes and out the door we went. 

Here's where things went wrong. I didn't eat lunch. I went straight to napland. NEVER do that folks. Hunger pangs gripped at my intestines so tight that the sound, smell, and sight of food was repulsive. Twice I excused myself anticipating projectile vomit. Luckily it didn't happen.

My friends being awesome made a stop for saltines and ginger ale. My diet helped me lose four pounds over the weekend! Was it worth it? Not really. As I didn't get to drink that whiskey I wanted.

The next morning feeling a bit more refreshed I looked out the window to see snow! It snowed ALL 
DAY LONG. The gang bundled up and PLAYED. We threw snowballs, we attempted to build a few snow men, and we gawked at the winter wonderland around us. SoCal natives in total awe. 

Zion experienced 15 inches of snowfall in a 24 hour period making it the second heaviest snowfall since 1894. 

My goodness, just look at how plush it is. Not only was it absolutely majestic outside my appetite was back in full swing. Hello flavor! We didn't get on the road as quickly as we liked considering we had to dig and push our cars out of the snow. A special thanks to the neighbors who stopped to help pull us out of the tiniest hill that kept us from the main road. 

Thanks for the help! See ya next time, Zion. 
Is it a bit cold where you are? Might I suggest the game ...Things and Celebrity. These simple games kept our group entertained for hours indoors. Being the sober person on the trip I can attest these games will make you laugh.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Going to Church

The fear of God was very real part of my youth. Not only was I afraid of being condemned to hell for my transgressions but I feared hand holding during worship. Church has never felt like a comfortable atmosphere for me. 

One of my dear friends managed to get me in a church over the weekend. I'm not a religious person. I go to yoga and consider myself like tooootally spiritual and stuff, but saviors and saints aren't really my thing. Luckily we weren't there to hear a sermon but to hear him sing. 

I've known Eric since our first day of high school. We met in Spanish class. A very gregarious fellow we hit it off right away. I was really fascinated by him as he moved through campus making his presence known. I always wanted to be noticed but didn't have the confidence to make moves. I think Eric and I fell into the same social circles in the long run because frankly we were painfully unhip. Two nerds who dropped some weight over the years and grew into our adult looks. Essentially we look good now so suck it popular kids. 

Eric has been the only person to get me into a church in the last few years. Sadly for his mother's funeral three years ago, and a fundraiser for a local hospice group this past Sunday honoring his mom. 

The sanctuary he performed in was really beautiful. I hadn't been inside since I was a teen. I'd forgotten how the architecture of a Catholic church can overwhelm you. It may be some mind trickery but I can see how people feel the presence of God. Then I was flooded of memories of being utterly paralyzed with discomfort during Catholic mass in our awkward pimply teen years. 

I think I see God in the rafters.
Taking a deep breath I remembered I didn't have to be subject to that anymore. Furthermore, as an adult I know the power of choice and owning my sweatiness. I'm sure if Jesus is the man they say he is– you know hanging out with hookers– he would've been (would be?) fine with abnormal perspiration. If I were to go to church today I don't think I'd be nearly as uncomfortable as in my youth. The memories though are forever cemented in my memory. 

Going to a Catholic high school meant that a few times out of the year I would be forced to attend mass. Imagine it, a church crammed with about 800 hormonal teenagers. The church was built long ago with no air conditioning. The place would get real toasty. There I am in a hot box essentially, nervous because I'm a teen looking to fit in, and my hyperhidrosis is out of control. I would be swimming in sweat. SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

I quickly memorized the part of mass where you hold hands and say the Lord's prayer. KILL ME. Getting up in the middle of mass to go to the bathroom was my classic move. It was also a bold move considering I could have had a major butt sweat stain. Once I faked being sick to avoid the whole ordeal entirely, and another time wore gloves despite it being about 65-70 degrees out. A not so tactful classmate called me out on it, and I will forever remember my friend piping up on my behalf saying that I was trying to moisturize my hands. What a good friend to make up a lie for me because she saw the look of fear come over me.

I'm curious how others have dealt with this within their own church, synagogue, mosque, temple, or wherever one practices their faith. If you have a story about your experience please share!