Saturday, September 17, 2016

Welcome! A few notes...

This is both a welcome note and more or less a goodbye note. I will no longer be updating this blog but if it's you're first time here I'd like to help guide you along the blog.

Helpful Posts on ETS Surgery:
ETS Surgery Side Effects
My Experience with ETS Surgery

I had ETS surgery when I was 19 and consider myself an expert on the results. My hands no longer sweat but if I had to make this choice again I would consider exhausting many other options first. My compensation sweating is a daily struggle.

A Few Posts on Depression and Self Exploration:
You Have to Believe That They are Wrong
The No BS Life
Happiness is Personal

The Story That Got Me Blogging:
Riding on the Metro

My #1 Resource for Hyperhidrosis:

Sweaty Products
Below are a few links of products I use and full disclosure I receive a teenie tiny referral bonus from Amazon if you purchase. This isn't a big money maker for me but it might just help fund that next cup of coffee :).

Carpe - This is the only super strong antiperspirant that I've found that I can use on my body to help with ETS compensation sweat. I use it when I'm in a pinch because it can cause some irritation but overall I've been pretty impressed with this lotion. David from Carpe reached out in 2015 with samples and from the reviews on Amazon you can see it's already a hit. It's not a miracle lotion but it can help quite a bit.

Honey Soles - These fit in most shoes (not a pair of Toms or ballet flats) but I really love the way the cork helps wick away sweat. Feels really nice on my feet when I prefer not to wear socks.

Rainbow Hemp Sandals - The only sandals I don't slip and slide in.

Yoga Towels - Sweat all you want in yoga, these towels are my everything!

 -- Signing off for now. I hope you find some of this information helpful!


The No BS Life

I wrote the first draft of this post over a year ago. I've cleaned it up a bit but the post is very much a reflection of me in 2015; something I'm very proud of.

One of the best gifts I've ever received.

The year of no BS.

I've been avoiding this post. It means so much to me that I couldn't even fathom where to begin.

It's July. Oh wait, no it's definitely August. I've been living the year of no bullshit since about December 2014. I can't pin point where it began but I began to say, "Year of no bullshit!"

I turned 29 last month, I've gone through my entire life up until this point very wrapped up in what others thought of me. How I was perceived. How I could control those perceptions. Then I had a major break through with my therapist -- I've spent most of my life controlling my mother's environment to make her happy that our relationship became too codependent and it was spilling into other aspects of my life. My relationship with my mother was suffering because of this. I was trying to control the uncontrollable. 

So I'm working to let that go. I can only control myself. I can only make myself happy.

This blog was a major stepping stone for me as well. Here I am forced to live in truth. You want to hear my struggles and you don't care that I'm sweating through it all. Together we're open and honest. For so long I was used to hiding having hyperhidrosis - making it only worse - and now I admit it fairly openly. The sweating will never go away but I'm far more comfortable in it and as a result I sweat a bit less. 

If you're familiar with comedian Pete Holmes he's a great example of living in truth. His podcast You Made It Weird became an outlet for him to talk about all his weird shit. Also an outlet for me to get some solid laughs as well as have 'holy shit' moments. We all have weird shit! He's a sweaty dude too. He doesn't fall in the hyperhidrosis category as far as I can tell but hey he's talking about being sweaty openly! He's a big ol soggy man sometimes. He talks about his divorce. His "JDates". Plenty of other quirky stuff. Thanks Petey boy! I'm a huge fan. 

Living the year of no bullshit has brought me so much joy. One of the biggest joys, excuse me while I tear up, is connecting with Daniel. My sweet pea, Daniel. We met through mutual friends (it's a way cuter story than that but only so much at once). Our first date, that I initiated mind you, started exactly like this:

We exchange greetings.
Sit down on bar stools.
Daniel blurts, "I want you to know I have no filter."
Amazed I say, "Well this is the year of no bullshit for me."

From that day forward we've held true to those statements. We've been dating, with highs and lows (no bs!), for almost seven months now. This being my longest relationship, Daniel has been very patient as I navigate being vulnerable and letting someone into my world. I had worked so hard recently to be happy alone, I truly was happy alone, it was hard to move into this new territory that was foreign to me.

The greatest aspect of our relationship is knowing we are not dependent on one another to make ourselves happy. I can only control myself. I can only make myself happy. With that obligation removed there is a divine levity to the relationship that makes spending time together so special. 

Daniel has taken it upon himself to find this blog. My heart jumped when I realized he took the time to find it. Google search must be doing the blog good! He's read about my past. There is no escaping my truth. (xoxo).


Daniel and I are still happily in love, best friends, roommates and continue to navigate the no bs life. It's funny to read about Pete Holmes because the topics he focuses on has evolved as well and I'm enjoying the progression of his "truthiness" life and his living/growing relationship with Sweet Val (his girlfriend/partner/best friend). 

You know what held me back from posting this for so long? I was waiting for the perfect picture to accompany it. I got the photo MONTHS ago but the post then got away from me. Anyone reading/read Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic? I'm in the thick of that book now and it's a wonderful exploration of creativity. She describes that creativity has the ability to move through you and away from you to find another outlet to let that creativity be born. In a way my creativity and spirit for this blog left me, and for now it's back so I'm harnessing it. I have one more good post in me coming up...

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Crying Over Sweat Stains. It Still Happens.

I've been in a sad space for the last few days. I can't quite explain it, and not being able to explain it just perpetuates my sadness. AWESOME. 

Just moments ago I returned home and noticed the sweat stains all over my shirt. Pit stains. Torso stains. Back stains. 

Sadness flooded in like... I don't know what I'm so upset! I don't weep at every sweat stain. It's part of my identity at this point. I manage it. More times than not I am so used to being a sweaty person it doesn't phase me. If you've read other posts I think that's very clear.  

Then there are moments I can't help but feel so disgusting. I think why can't I just go for a walk without dripping through my clothes. My hands no longer sweat thanks to ETS surgery but my body melts down with any kind of physical exertion. I'm a healthy, active person and there is no reason I should be breaking this big of a sweat. Right now I'm crying over sweat. I feel exhausted. For those of you dealing with real problems, my sincere apologies. I'm over me too right now.

I watched Inside Out today. There's a wonderful lesson about sadness. Yadda yadda. Go see it. I won't spoil it for you. I had a rather lovely afternoon. 

I may not understand this sadness right now. Hopefully it will pass soon. It's a hell of a good reminder to book a therapy session because you can be doing just fine and get hit with an emotion like a sack of potatoes and feel like a sack of potatoes for no good reason. Well there are reasons but it doesn't totally make sense to me. 

I texted a few girlfriends this morning about the off feeling. One was feeling it too. Just yesterday I opened up to other friends for their opinion on my state of mind. One of the gals was dealing with something challenging as well. I had the comfort of knowing that I wasn't alone in navigating emotions. 

Emotions are fucked. Sweating is fucked. But it'll all be OK. I promise me and you that. Also, talk about the bad openly and others will open up too. You're not conditioned to be perfect. A friend once sent me a card that said, "Thank you for sharing your humanity." By sharing I find others give a little too. So I encourage you to try it. Share your true self -- sadness and all. 

Now that I've shared this with you I'm starting to feel a bit better already. Cheers. 

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Sadness & Suffering

To truly experience life we are demanded to experience sadness and suffering along with happiness and joy. I will talk about these themes more in the future as I've learned a lot about embracing highs, lows and everything in between as part of the ebbs and flow of life. But today, I want to recognize the unnecessary inflicted pain forced upon someone and the suffering they are forced to manage.

Today the Charleston community and black people nationwide are suffering. In the US we've allowed an ideology that black people are less than. Furthermore we're allowing this ideology to breed stronger and stronger despite decades of work to reverse discrimination. Whatever your political leaning is, I demand that you agree that all lives matter. No one should be terrorized.

As you take on each day I encourage you to help be the change. Stop and give a little compassion. I receive many emails from people simply looking to relate. We offer one another compassion. Through compassion the world becomes a little more manageable. Our fears become less daunting.

Stop and look someone new in the eye and recognize them for the human they are.

Do not take your personal suffering and infect someone else with it. Suffering should not be a disease that is transmittable. Take responsibility to do self care, to heal your suffering. You do not heal from passing on your pain, you simply make the world a little more shitty.

Let's stop perpetuating fear and stop terrorizing people of color. 

With compassion,

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Calendaring Time for Us

I don't want to acknowledge it. I always acknowledge it and make false promises. Does it matter? OK. I've been gone. It's been just over a year since I've updated the blog.

Can we ignore that? Pick up like old friends?

View from my new apartment.
3 different apartments and 4 new jobs since moving to LA.

It's so good to see you. Did I tell you I started a new job? No, not that last one I told you about. Another one. The end of June will be my one year with the company. This is my fifth new job in seven years. I have a knack for landing jobs and it not being the right fit for the long run. This one though, we're going steady. A real keeper. A job that involves annual reviews, goals and a work culture that says 'we are here to get shit done'.

This new job has gotten between you and me. It doesn't like me focusing my efforts on personal projects while in the office. Those old gigs I had didn't care to notice that I was blogging here and there in between tasks. It's truly a blessing and a curse. I don't even think about blogging while on the job. The work culture is that good.

With each passing month it became harder and harder to even peak at the Sweat Through It email account. I cringed to think of how many people were waiting for responses. Waiting for questions to be answered. It was me, not you.

Advocating for the sweaty isn't my only interest. My brain is bubbling with ideas of creative pursuits (in large part thanks to Instagram, I refuse to use Pinterest). I want to sew more. The apartment I just moved into (woot!) desperately needs a dining table and I of course have been stuck on the idea of sourcing it from a vintage shop. My time working for a toy company made me realize, hey! maybe I could be a writer for children's TV or literature. Each weekday I come home and watch The Chew and have to text my friends about the decadent dishes we just have to make for our next picnic/dinner party/group vacation. On Tuesdays I never miss my hot yoga sculpt class (it's even marked on my work calendar) and push myself to make it to two more yoga classes during the week. OMG I desperately need to dust my entire apartment... be right back.


My desires are overflowing. My cup is not only half full it is flooding my kitchen and I'm so shocked I just stand in a puddle not sure where to begin. Expectations I've put on myself have essentially paralyzed me.

What do you want to get working on that just can't seem to find the room for?

It's OK to not have it all. To not have the energy to do everything and put on a happy face for the internet. I do want to do this though. I want to continue to connect with you.

Catch up again soon? I've pencilled you in for next week. Can't wait!

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Journalling For a Clear Mind

I made an impulse purchase. I'm not proud of it. My Amazon Store card debt is becoming a problem... for another day. I got a new laptop. My MacBook that I've had for at least seven years was making obscene noises, overheating, and working at a snails pace.

Point. Click. Within three days I had a new HP Chromebook. Amazon you're creepy with your insanely fast delivery. Never change.

Who's ready to publish me? 
My shiny new gadget is supposed to make it easier for me to keep this baby updated. I don't have to rely on posting while I'm at work. I can tell you on a whim exactly what I'm feeling. Are you ready for this?! We're going to get to know each other on a deeper level. So get ready with your commenting.

I kid.

Tonight laying leisurely on my couch I do want to tell you about my journalling. For the last month it's become part of my nightly routine. I'm having a-ha moments. A-ha moments are crucial to personal growth. My penmanship is also looking a little more fanciful gliding on the page. 

Having sweaty hands makes writing a bitch. Did you see one of my tips on that? Despite the aggravation that comes with smeared ink and soggy pages writing can be a very therapeutic processing tool. If writing gets you down maybe try typing? What are some methods you use?

Dating, career exploration, and general life motions have my thoughts swirling out of control making me anxious. My writing allows me to catch them as I can. Like butterflies in a net I can't get them all. Even if I'm only able to wrangle a few in I can still come to those a-ha moments. As I'm writing the clutter becomes organized and I can make sense of what is taking up space in my brain.

This next week presents a challenge for me. One that I have seen before. Out of paranoia I'm not going to tell you all the details. I'm putting a concerted amount of effort into this challenge. Something I would have never done before. My motto has been "what will be will be." That's great for protecting myself against failure. But what opportunities have I missed out because I was too afraid to try? No longer can I just let things happen. When energy is put in then of course what is meant to be will be. I can say I tried if it doesn't work out. If it does work out I will have the great satisfaction of knowing I didn't miss an opportunity just because I didn't work for it. The moment did not pass me by. 

It's easy to get over failure. With failure comes an end point. You can move on. Sometimes failure will present a starting point to learn something new. When you don't put in the effort you're left with "what could have been?" That is called regret. Regret can last a lifetime. 

On this a-ha-I-gotta-put-effort-into-things realization kick I wrote a mock letter to Michael that I hope to rewrite and send later this month. The idea of sending a letter and the thoughts I want to convey have been buzzing in my head. I finally penned it down. My mind feels a bit more clear. Writing this letter is me getting over the fear of feeling like a fool. If Michael doesn't vibe with this letter I will be upset. I will feel like a fool for trying. I will get over that upset. I will not feel like a fool forever.  Not sending the letter will mean a lifetime of what could of been between us? Why chance that?

Taking matters into my own hands. I'll let you know how it works out.

What do you want to go after? What do you need clarity on?

Thursday, May 8, 2014

bkr Water Bottle Review

My morning ritual at work involves tossing my bag on the floor, firing up my computer, and going to the break room to fill up my water bottle. 

Water is bland. Not very exciting. Just kind of there. Serving a vital function I still trudge through drinking water. I started sipping from straws which adds a dash of fun to my water imbibing experience.

Hey there old girl. I won't forget you.
Nalgene's 500 mL bottle in bright green has been my trusty water bottle for years. Anyone who has attended the Sundance Film Festival will have this exact bottle. I've been three times. I've got quite the collection. I give a nod when I see someone with the same bottle around town as if we're rooting for the same ball team. It's a great size and has served me well. Zero complaints.

Then I met the bkr water bottle. It makes drinking water a touch more delightful. It's stylish. It has a wonderful silicon shell that covers the well crafted glass bottle. I'm amazed by the spout. The water pours out and slinks down my throat. Even the bottle cap is crafted in a way that makes it fun to hold.

That spout.
That fun cap.
I'm really crushing hard on this water bottle.

It's ridiculous. I know.

At $30+ a pop it's a bit of a splurge. A girlfriend gave it to me as a gift. I just bought one on Amazon as a gift spreading the bkr love. 

I wanted to share it with you because of that silicon grip. After having ETS surgery holding a grip is very difficult. Things slip out of my hands often. My hands shake a bit more in fear of dropping things. 
For sweaty hands that also have a hard time keeping a grip or opening things the design serves you too. The silicon won't slide through your slipper finger tips. The texture against a wet hand is soothing. 

Check it out.