Welcome! A few notes...

This is both a welcome note and more or less a goodbye note. I will no longer be updating this blog but if it's you're first time here I'd like to help guide you along the blog.

Helpful Posts on ETS Surgery:
ETS Surgery Side Effects
My Experience with ETS Surgery

I had ETS surgery when I was 19 and consider myself an expert on the results. My hands no longer sweat but if I had to make this choice again I would consider exhausting many other options first. My compensation sweating is a daily struggle.

A Few Posts on Depression and Self Exploration:
You Have to Believe That They are Wrong
The No BS Life
Happiness is Personal

The Story That Got Me Blogging:
Riding on the Metro

My #1 Resource for Hyperhidrosis:
SweatHelp.org

Sweaty Products
Below are a few links of products I use and full disclosure I receive a teenie tiny referral bonus from Amazon if you purchase. This isn't a big money maker for me but it might just help fund that next cup of coffee :).

Carpe - This is the only super strong antiperspirant that I've found that I can use on my body to help with ETS compensation sweat. I use it when I'm in a pinch because it can cause some irritation but overall I've been pretty impressed with this lotion. David from Carpe reached out in 2015 with samples and from the reviews on Amazon you can see it's already a hit. It's not a miracle lotion but it can help quite a bit.


Honey Soles - These fit in most shoes (not a pair of Toms or ballet flats) but I really love the way the cork helps wick away sweat. Feels really nice on my feet when I prefer not to wear socks.


Rainbow Hemp Sandals - The only sandals I don't slip and slide in.



Yoga Towels - Sweat all you want in yoga, these towels are my everything!



 -- Signing off for now. I hope you find some of this information helpful!

xoxo,
Sara

The No BS Life

I wrote the first draft of this post over a year ago. I've cleaned it up a bit but the post is very much a reflection of me in 2015; something I'm very proud of.

One of the best gifts I've ever received.

Begin:

The year of no BS.

I've been avoiding this post. It means so much to me that I couldn't even fathom where to begin.

It's July. Oh wait, no it's definitely August. I've been living the year of no bullshit since about December 2014. I can't pin point where it began but I began to say, "Year of no bullshit!"

I turned 29 last month, I've gone through my entire life up until this point very wrapped up in what others thought of me. How I was perceived. How I could control those perceptions. Then I had a major break through with my therapist -- I've spent most of my life controlling my mother's environment to make her happy that our relationship became too codependent and it was spilling into other aspects of my life. My relationship with my mother was suffering because of this. I was trying to control the uncontrollable. 

So I'm working to let that go. I can only control myself. I can only make myself happy.

This blog was a major stepping stone for me as well. Here I am forced to live in truth. You want to hear my struggles and you don't care that I'm sweating through it all. Together we're open and honest. For so long I was used to hiding having hyperhidrosis - making it only worse - and now I admit it fairly openly. The sweating will never go away but I'm far more comfortable in it and as a result I sweat a bit less. 

If you're familiar with comedian Pete Holmes he's a great example of living in truth. His podcast You Made It Weird became an outlet for him to talk about all his weird shit. Also an outlet for me to get some solid laughs as well as have 'holy shit' moments. We all have weird shit! He's a sweaty dude too. He doesn't fall in the hyperhidrosis category as far as I can tell but hey he's talking about being sweaty openly! He's a big ol soggy man sometimes. He talks about his divorce. His "JDates". Plenty of other quirky stuff. Thanks Petey boy! I'm a huge fan. 

Living the year of no bullshit has brought me so much joy. One of the biggest joys, excuse me while I tear up, is connecting with Daniel. My sweet pea, Daniel. We met through mutual friends (it's a way cuter story than that but only so much at once). Our first date, that I initiated mind you, started exactly like this:

We exchange greetings.

Sit down on bar stools.

Daniel blurts, "I want you to know I have no filter."

Amazed I say, "Well this is the year of no bullshit for me."

From that day forward we've held true to those statements. We've been dating, with highs and lows (no bs!), for almost seven months now. This being my longest relationship, Daniel has been very patient as I navigate being vulnerable and letting someone into my world. I had worked so hard recently to be happy alone, I truly was happy alone, it was hard to move into this new territory that was foreign to me.

The greatest aspect of our relationship is knowing we are not dependent on one another to make ourselves happy. I can only control myself. I can only make myself happy. With that obligation removed there is a divine levity to the relationship that makes spending time together so special. 

Daniel has taken it upon himself to find this blog. My heart jumped when I realized he took the time to find it. Google search must be doing the blog good! He's read about my past. There is no escaping my truth. (xoxo).

End.

p.s.

Daniel and I are still happily in love, best friends, roommates and continue to navigate the no bs life. It's funny to read about Pete Holmes because the topics he focuses on has evolved as well and I'm enjoying the progression of his "truthiness" life and his living/growing relationship with Sweet Val (his girlfriend/partner/best friend). 

You know what held me back from posting this for so long? I was waiting for the perfect picture to accompany it. I got the photo MONTHS ago but the post then got away from me. Anyone reading/read Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic? I'm in the thick of that book now and it's a wonderful exploration of creativity. She describes that creativity has the ability to move through you and away from you to find another outlet to let that creativity be born. In a way my creativity and spirit for this blog left me, and for now it's back so I'm harnessing it. I have one more good post in me coming up...

Calendaring Time for Us

I don't want to acknowledge it. I always acknowledge it and make false promises. Does it matter? OK. I've been gone. It's been just over a year since I've updated the blog.

Can we ignore that? Pick up like old friends?

View from my new apartment.
3 different apartments and 4 new jobs since moving to LA.

It's so good to see you. Did I tell you I started a new job? No, not that last one I told you about. Another one. The end of June will be my one year with the company. This is my fifth new job in seven years. I have a knack for landing jobs and it not being the right fit for the long run. This one though, we're going steady. A real keeper. A job that involves annual reviews, goals and a work culture that says 'we are here to get shit done'.

This new job has gotten between you and me. It doesn't like me focusing my efforts on personal projects while in the office. Those old gigs I had didn't care to notice that I was blogging here and there in between tasks. It's truly a blessing and a curse. I don't even think about blogging while on the job. The work culture is that good.

With each passing month it became harder and harder to even peak at the Sweat Through It email account. I cringed to think of how many people were waiting for responses. Waiting for questions to be answered. It was me, not you.

Advocating for the sweaty isn't my only interest. My brain is bubbling with ideas of creative pursuits (in large part thanks to Instagram, I refuse to use Pinterest). I want to sew more. The apartment I just moved into (woot!) desperately needs a dining table and I of course have been stuck on the idea of sourcing it from a vintage shop. My time working for a toy company made me realize, hey! maybe I could be a writer for children's TV or literature. Each weekday I come home and watch The Chew and have to text my friends about the decadent dishes we just have to make for our next picnic/dinner party/group vacation. On Tuesdays I never miss my hot yoga sculpt class (it's even marked on my work calendar) and push myself to make it to two more yoga classes during the week. OMG I desperately need to dust my entire apartment... be right back.

Breathe.

My desires are overflowing. My cup is not only half full it is flooding my kitchen and I'm so shocked I just stand in a puddle not sure where to begin. Expectations I've put on myself have essentially paralyzed me.

What do you want to get working on that just can't seem to find the room for?

It's OK to not have it all. To not have the energy to do everything and put on a happy face for the internet. I do want to do this though. I want to continue to connect with you.

Catch up again soon? I've pencilled you in for next week. Can't wait!

This Is Where I'm At

My brain is mush. On the upside I'm feeling stable today. The up and down swings of my moods the last few weeks have been alarming and very frustrating. I like to know I'm in control and I have not been. So many times I wanted to write and blog but couldn't focus.

My battle this past week is that I'm tired of being sane, taking the high road, and carrying myself with class. I want to go bat shit crazy on someone. Specifically I want to go crazy on Hansel (the dude I broke up with earlier this month). 

At the end of the day I have some Grade A, incredible friends who remind me that acting a fool will get me nowhere. If you don't have at least one friend that will reign you in find one immediately. At the end of the day I do not want this man. At the end of the day we broke up for a reason. Sending a crazy email about my assumptions that he is already seeing someone else will not move me in a positive direction. Instead I decided to deactivate my Facebook so I can't see what he's up to and make up story lines on his dating life. 

The energy it takes to hold your head high after rejection is hard. To keep my mind occupied I've gone out most nights of the week. I've met some new people that remind me that LA is full of interesting walks of life. I've treated myself to delicious overpriced foods. Fried brussels sprouts with goat cheese... oh my god I felt so alive eating those decadent sprouts. I've spent time getting closer to friends. With the help of fancy cocktails we've opened up about past experiences in love and life in general bringing our group closer.

Nights last week were the hardest. I spent my days running from my emotions that when it was time to rest my head and heart I just sort of broke down. Yet, despite suppressing my emotions I had severe jaw pain. My anxiety and sadness manifested through physical pain. I clenched my jaw and pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth. 

Tomorrow I'm looking forward to resuming my yoga routine. After treating myself to a massage, manicure, and a stroll through my neighborhood on Friday I realized I could focus on me again. It was refreshing. Before I met Hansel I was really happy with myself, and it's good to know I can return to that.

Can you relate to any of this? Have moments of wanting to go absolutely crazy?

Pantiliners for Sweaty Armpits

'Tis the season to fret over which dresses will and won't show pit stains. Last winter I spotted a simple yet beautiful royal blue sheath dress on sale. Pat on the back for my cost savings but immediate face palm for not knowing if this dress would show sweat. 

Classy for the holidays

Just look at that gorgeous color! How could I resist? I went all year without wearing the beaut. It wasn't until I threw my Third Annual Holiday Crock Pot Party that I had an excuse to wear it.

Yes, Crock Pot Party is exactly what you think it is. I invite a bunch of friends, they bring Crock Pots full of delicious food, there is one Crock Pot for hot cider, we drink, we are merry, and we have a fucking ball. This one was by far my favorite Crock Pot Party. 

Man friend not pictured. 

Leading up to the party I did no sweat prep. I didn't look to see if I had clean stockings without holes, I didn't see if I had a clean slip dress to wear under, and I didn't test the fabric to see how much sweat it could hold before a stain showed. Call me a wild woman.

I did go to hot yoga the morning of the party. This helps ensure I don't sweat for a few hours after. My nerves chill out a bit. 

30 minutes before getting dressed memories of past parties slapped me hard. I was reminded that it gets hot in a house filled with people, when I drink I sweat, and I start to sweat more when interacting with people I haven't seen in a while. HOLY SLOW COOKED MEATBALL WHY DIDN'T I PREPARE?

I called out to my roommate, "Laila! Can you come help me for a moment?" Her boyfriend was in the house so I couldn't quite request what I wanted. "Do you have pantiliners? I want to use them for the pits of my dress." Every so helpful she said, "Yes! And good idea!" No shame in asking.

Not just for your underwear.

I recommend buying a thicker liner. Liners that err on the side of a pad. Do not go cheap on this folks. Cheap liners will crumple up, not stick very well, and ultimately fall on the ground in front of the person you're talking to. I went with the store brand version of Always Xtra Protection line. Look for the purple box in the US. International readers if you have an equivalent let us know in the comments. 

The liners worked but not as well as I hoped. It hedged some sweating but not completely. I could've put new liners in midway through the party and that would've done the trick. 

Through the night I had no major sweat panics. Except for one brief moment. Man friend and I were walking outside when he leaned in to tell me, "There is a stain on your back." I FREAKED OUT internally. I slyly walked through the party trying not to show my back.

Was it a period stain? A sweat stain? I was feeling dewey all over. Oh my god I have a huge sweat stain on my back.

I go to my bathroom to see a small white spot of powdered sugar. I didn't even bother wiping it off. I marched outside and informed man friend that he gave me an unnecessary heart attack and to NEVER do that again.

It's reported to be 81 degrees in LA on Christmas. Bah humbug. 

Disney's Frozen for the Sweaty

It's screener season in Los Angeles. Friends and bosses of friends start receiving films in the mail to consider for awards season. It's a beautiful thing to watch new releases for free from the comfort of your own space. 

Last night the man friend and I watched Frozen at my request. I highly recommend this film to anyone with a soul. I'll warn the music isn't up to Disney classic standards. That said, I loved this film. My HH friends you will relate to this film.

Girl, I know that look.

I choked up when Elsa has her coronation to be queen. She wears gloves to mask her magical powers that torment her. Her hands tremble as she faces the crowd on what's supposed to be a joyous occasion. The anguish that almost paralyzes her is something we can all relate to with HH. How closely the story is tied to her hands is really something sweet for us. 

Also, Olaf is now one of my new favorite Disney characters. He gave me some hearty belly laughs. Thanks, Olaf you're the best. All things cheesy and delightful bring them my way.

More Olaf!

Although I was pumped to watch the film I wasn't the most relaxed to start. It was my last date night for a long while with man friend. We were a little frantic getting together since he completely forgot the actual date he was flying home for Christmas. He had planned for another day in LA while his plane ticket did not. So I rushed home and packed a bag to stay the night. 

I forgot to pack socks. Such an amateur move. How did I forget to pack SOCKS?! I threw on my lounge clothes and a pair of slip on shoes. It should be burned in my memory that when I lounge around I need to wear socks. This isn't a new revelation. I cannot have my feet dangling free. 

To top it off it was hot in his apartment. I immediately questioned if the heater was on. It was not. I then asked if we could open the door to let in fresh air. Fresh air was not making its way in quickly enough. Feet were dripping wet. I sat with my legs crossed hoping my pants would mop up the sweat. I became uncomfortable. I flopped around trying to find the perfect sweat wicking position. He was none the wiser of my droplets but I feared him finding out.

My body must have been radiating heat because asked if he should open a window. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES. There was a nice cross breeze that moved through the stuffy apartment. Finally, I was able to kick my legs out across the couch and focus on the film. My sweating subsided. They were still clammy but they were manageable and less embarrassing. 

When we started chatting after the film the sweating started up again. A fun reminder that I can't always have complete control. I had a similar takeaway from watching Frozen.

I'm planning to have "SOCKS" tattooed on my arm real soon. 

Death to Insecurity

Tacos, Bud Light Lime-a-Ritas, and my best friends were exactly what the soul ordered last night. 

The last day in Zion my emotions got the best of me taking me on a roller coaster of god know's what. Luckily I was able to summon my "LA Family" for a dinner to catch up. Our core group of five helps keep me grounded, provides a safe space to say what's really on my mind, and allows me to be off-the-wall silly. We were long overdue for a family dinner without lovers/significant others. 

Cozy at Russell's place with slow cooked carnitas tacos (veggie tacos for Lena) we dished, laughed, and I shared my crazy brain thoughts. It felt good to get outside of my head and say exactly what was on my mind. Side bar: Bud Light Lime-a-Ritas are stupidly delicious not to mention cheap too. Those little punches of delicious alcohol might have helped propel words out of my mouth. 

Later that night, I'm not quite sure how it came up, but we got on the topic of tarot reading. Russell has a deck handy for readings. Very eager for clarity I volunteered myself for the first reading. I meditated on my confidence. At my first therapy appointment last month I brought it up as a key concern and it shows through my blog posts.

What do I need to do to move confidently in (romantic) relationships?

Hot damn you guys. The cards knew what was up. The reading is not meant to predict the future. You can't ask the cards a yes or no question. You have to be ready to go on a journey with the cards. It confirmed my fears and gave me the confidence to move forward.

In these cards I see hope and hilarity.  No really.

The funniest moment came when Russell said, "This next card shows how you view your present state or what you think of yourself." Quickly I said, "Watch it's going to be the death card." It wasn't the death card but it was The Tower card that shows people jumping out of a burning tower. I laughed right out loud. It's true that I feel like my life is in utter chaos. Look at the picture above. You can't help but laugh at the over dramatization. 

I ended on a high note. I got the Death Card. I was alarmed at first too, but as Russ explained it's a death to a part of me. Death to my insecurity. Good things are on their way folks.
Russ continued to read my friend's cards individually. It was a great experience to help understand which each one of us is battling with. The cards really helped us put into words what we're feeling, and how we want to move forward. 

I am very energized. Have you ever had a reading? Have you had a bad reading?

Cate Blanchett's Superb Sweaty Performance

Actors are beautiful. A great majority of them. They exude grace and beauty that can stop you dead in your tracks. Living in LA it's happened to me. Even actors that are not the typical definition of beautiful tend to have something about them. Louis CK being a prime example. 

Woody. A total boss.

Over the weekend I caught Blue Jasmine the latest Woody Allen film. Cate Blanchett despite playing an unhinged whack-a-doo she is gorgeous in this film. I know by industry standards she is respected as a beautiful talented woman, but she wasn't on my radar much. She was just there floating around aimlessly in my memory bank labeled as "that one actress who's been in that one film." Until I saw Blue Jasmine.

Woody Allen has made some of my favorite films including Annie Hall (complexities of relationships) and Match Point (sexy suspenseful drama). The man writes and directs a damn good script. His directing style appears effortlessly distinctive and recognizable across all genres of film. The dialogue he writes for Blue Jasmine reminds me how clever Woody is. He creates an environment that engrosses you where you can't stop talking about it hours after the film. Woody, you're fabulous.

Cate's performance as Jasmine is phenomenal. Beyond her beauty I wanted to share that she sweats in Blue Jasmine! Go get your ticket now. I perk up anytime I see any sort of pit stain on screen. 

Girl, you lookin' damp.

The downside is the wet rings under her arms are from pure anxiety and Xanax induced side effects. She's not one of us. Regardless I appreciate Woody including this as part of her character. I would be interested to see how it's denoted in the script.  Jasmine's emotional breakdown is a full body experience. Watching a beautiful woman sweat through an expensive silk dress makes me smile. I've been there. Although my dress was probably polyester. And depending on how you look at it you might be comforted by Jasmine, "Well at least when I sweat through my dress I wasn't a complete train wreck."

Keep sweatin' Hollywood. 

Feeling a Bit Foolish

I write about happiness a lot on this blog. In fact, shameless plug, I wrote a short piece for Excessive Sweating Tips on the matter. There are a lot of things that make me happy. However, BIG however, I constantly forget that happiness and self fulfillment is a very active pursuit. Happiness is a whiny needy baby. You have to nurture that sucker. 

I was presented with an opportunity to interview for a new position with a company that I strongly believe in and think would help put me on the career path of my dreams. The stars seemed to have aligned. I read my horoscope and according to astrologist Susan Miller the planets are all saying "YOU'RE THE BEST!". OK not exactly but my negotiating power was supposed to be strong. I went in to the interview with the confidence of a gorgeous Wall Street jock. I was there to crush it. YEA BRO!

The email came today that I didn't nail it. They've found someone else. It's amazing how one email with just a few short cordial sentences can deplete your self confidence. I've gone from jock bro to a bratty teenager. What am I going to do with my life?! 

Time to refocus on making myself happy. Here I am writing. Tonight maybe I'll sew. 

I'm fortunate yet feeling foolish humbled today. 

Moving: Eastside v. Westside in LA

After two years living in Hollywood my roommate and I decided it is time to move. He is taking a leap further into adulthood by buying a condo and moving in with his girlfriend. I am looking to cut down on my hour commute. Driving has become an extension of me. I'm beginning to fear that I've developed a rounder booty and podcasts have become my friends. [If you're in to comedy and nerdy pop culture check out the Nerdist). Hash tag: obsessed.]

As I am making my decision on where to call home I've entered the Eastside v. Westside debate. In LA this is a thing. It makes me uncomfortable. Which side is the best side?

via KCRW (my choice radio station)

I'm drawn to the Eastside's live music culture and DIY appeal. The Westside has a cleaner safer appeal and very walkable streets. They both offer amazing restaurants, shops, and I have friends that live on both ends of town. There was no one thing that could help me decide. Or was there? As summer approached it dawned on me. There absolutely is. The weather.

LA is so expansive that the difference in weather can change by 20 degrees. 20 degrees makes a difference to whether or not my hyperhidrosis is going to kick into high gear. This is where the Eastside loses every single time. My current place has air conditioning, but when it's hot I deplore the idea of walking to the grocery store. Walking uphill back in the heat means I will be drenched in sweat. I avoid my neighbors and pray no one else needs to get on the elevator to experience the humidity I radiate. Sorry Mother Earth but I will be driving to pick up my organic kale. 

All things considered, I've forked over my deposit to the Westside. A short bike ride from Santa Monica I welcome the foggy dewey mornings. The Westside rarely peeks over 80 degrees. The flat streets may not offer insane city views that the hills of Hollywood or Silver Lake can but they will offer peace of mind when I walk to get coffee at the local slow drip coffee shop sweat stain free.

For those moving into college dorms this month how is that going? Please share your tips or questions in the comments.

It's Freezing in My Office

Oh hello, it's your fair weather blogger here. I started a new job!

The best part of the new job? It's freezing in my office.

This post is without any insight on sweating. I have no fancy tricks to offer you. Instead, to keep this blog going I'm going to try and write more about my daily life. I had a bit of tunnel vision and it's time to refocus on my life at large as a sweater.

Some of you may know I had a two month employment hiatus. I was funemployed if you will. After being at a job that I was miserable at I took a seasonal position with a well known film festival. The festival was an incredible experience, and the team I worked with was amazing. Once my position ended I really enjoyed those magical two months off. My sweating was at an all time low. I wonder if Europeans with HH sweat less because they are able to take longer vacations.... holidays. I haven't had an extended break like that since the summer between junior and senior year of college. That was many moons ago.

About the time I was starting to get anxious about finding work an opportunity to leave the nonprofit industry (my background), and join a marketing team for a toy company. An awesome coworker at my seasonal gig had put me in touch with the toy company. It was a scary moment leaving an industry for one I had no experience with and uhhh... I took a huge pay cut. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to make ends meet and I was nervous to go into the unknown.

Happy at work. [I do not work with Kermit.]

I made the right decision. Not only do I hardly sweat at work, but I am genuinely happy at work. My silly nature is perfect for marketing toys. I am learning and absorbing so much already. I am also in an einvronment where my superiors want to nurture my growth with the company.

Here's to a new branch off the career tree!

You Have to Believe That They Are Wrong

You may have seen the Pork Chop video as I call it. More formally known as the To This Day Project. You may have sobbed, like me, while watching it. If you haven't or want to experience it once more, here it is:

I urge you to press play.

Ugh, I'm crying again. I'm a god damn mess.

Were you bullied in school? I wasn't really bullied but societal norms let me know right away I wasn't normal. 

Being bullied in school is something that stays with you for the rest of your life. More importantly, being bullied shapes the person you become. Within the first two minutes, cue tears hitting me like a sack of bricks:

We grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us.

Oh my god. That's me! Where the hell are the tissues. My tears burn right about now, damn mascara.
I believed those words growing up. I still cry myself to sleep as an adult thinking those words. At an early age I knew my sweating was something to be ashamed of. I was never bullied for it but I never felt comfortable confiding in anyone about it. Social norms were my bully. I learned to hide my abnormality and still do. When these words and feelings manifest in you at such a young age it is very hard to shed them as an adult. It becomes part of your makeup. Your secrets and insecurities shape your every decision. You dig a hole to feel safe but you don't know how to come out of the hole for a breath of air. You look around and not sure who you can't trust to get you out.

Despite a loving husband she does not think she's beautiful.

I was an ugly duckling in junior high and very unassuming looking in high school. Come college I was alright, and today I've come into my looks and even get ya know complimented by strangers. Yet, I can not believe it for myself. This has affected me tremendously with relationships and I experience swings of depression. I am not comfortable or confident in my own skin 100% of the time because, again, the feeling of being less than my peers was instilled at an early age. Living in Los Angeles among models hasn't be easy either.

Lived like the uphills were mountains, and the downhills were cliffs.

Visually that line in the video is incredibly beautiful. We've all been there. Wanting to just jump off the cliff. Surely it's easier than the insane feelings and thoughts coursing through us.

There are days when I feel I can't take on one more thing, or I don't have the care to try. I rather just jump off the cliff. Depression caused by hyperhidrosis is real. The video shows how kids are thrown prescriptions so quickly for their depression. Fortunately I am not pilled up for my depression. My mother experienced how pills and prescriptions for mental health turn you into a drone, a zombie. A prescription is thrown at a behavior too often in our society before digging at the core to see what is truly wrong. 

If you feel your life is for the better with a prescription for a mental or behavioral issue. I am all for it. But do not be afraid to question it. Everyday I have to work at my health to make sure I stay sane. It is too easy to spiral down. 

If you can't see anything beautiful about yourself then get a better mirror.

Living an active life and not sitting at home dwelling on my insecurities is my "better mirror." My self confidence is not where I'd like it to be but it is much higher than when I was in school. The working world has it's demands and it forces responsibility on you. If you're idle in the working world your dreams of a career quickly crumble. Furthermore, surrounding myself with active people has helped. Going for a hike is so much easier when I can call a friend to join me. 

There is nothing better than feeling your blood pumping rapidly after yoga. There is also nothing better than a drinking mimosa(s) on a patio taking in some Vitamin D on a perfectly sunny day in Santa Monica. These are the things that make me happy in a simple way. What makes you happy? 

There is something inside you that made you quit trying despite everyone who told you to quit. You built a cast around your broken heart and you signed it THEY WERE WRONG. 

You have to believe that they are wrong.

What makes you fight? When I fight for me, and champion for my own well being I see that I attract other fighters. Other people who want to live a healthy life want to surround themselves with my company. I have some of the greatest friends in the world. We do amazing things. We have goals we want to accomplish. We like to be outdoors exploring the wonderful things that we're so fortunate to have access to. The people who are wrong, they have fallen away.

The people who are wrong still exist, but they do not hold a place in my life. I do not give them the time to influence me any longer. They are not invited to brunch at my house.

Hyperhidrosis has taught me compassion.

Hyperhirdosis makes me feel that I am weird. I'm gross. So when I meet someone who has their own insecurity I'm far more compassionate. When you're compassionate the world is a little lighter. 

In school, in the workforce, in the grocery store, wherever be a little more compassionate. Smile. You might just make someones day. Life is a fucking struggle and the nicer we are the better.

I am telling myself now to honk a little less. Oops. I've probably made a many of people want to jump off a cliff after honking. But seriously turn your god damn blinker off or get off your phone and drive. OK that one is going to take some work.

Be aware that nothing is not always as easy as it seems. I hope teachers and school administrators will learn this quickly. We must start pouring compassion to youth. As I've mentioned insecurities instill themselves when we're young. There are MANY phenomenal teachers out there, but there are many that continue to instill insecurity in school or mask with treatments that clearly don't work. To the teachers who have to fight a system to stop bullies and to get social services for their students, I salut you!

I am happy.

80 degree heat in LA today. Hiking solo and pool lounging solo. 

I have a lot of shit to work on, but I can honestly say I am happy. I'll keep fighting for happiness. One day I'll feel beautiful. Today I don't feel shitty or ugly.

Please share your stories and struggles in the comments. We need each other! Someone may need out of a hole and your story just might help them climb out. 

My Massage Experiences Illustrated with the Help of Jennifer Lawrence

I've had five massages in my twenty six years of living so it hardly makes me an expert. I am an expert regarding the anxiety of getting a massage though. Last night being the frugal fabulous city living lady that I am I broke down and bought a deal on one of those flash sites. My bargain promised a massage and body scrub in glamorous North Hollywood (read: potentially sketchy).

Below I recount my dabbles with strangers massaging my body for your reading pleasure (I hope). Good news! We end on a happy tale. Funny enough I'm watching Celeste & Jesse Forever and there is a massage scene going on RIGHT NOW. I call that a sign.

The Ugly - Reflexology
One of my girlfriends Sam decided we should go to one of those cheap massage parlors. You see them all over in LA and Orange County. They're generally $20-$45 for a quick rub down. Nervously I asked my friend to describe what its like.

She tells me, "It's just a big room of people. You have your clothes on. It's nothing fancy but it feels amazing." 

Slightly panicking knowing I couldn't get out of it, "OK so you leave your clothes on? I guess I could do that. It's just ummm my feet... they get... clammy." 

Sam was keen on getting her kinks out could sense I was ready to back out, "You will do fine. They put your feet in a bucket of water. C'mon let's go."

They touch your feet?

My insides were curdling. My knots were creating knots. The backs of my legs were sweating with semi noticeable sweat stains on my yoga pants. The trip was already completely counter productive.

It was just as she described. However there was so much emphasis on the feet as this was a reflexology spa. I use the word spa loosely. First putting your feet in a bucket of hot water I could feel the sweat tingle come on-- that slight sting feeling that comes with nervous sweating. Although they were in a bucket of water I just knew they were dripping sweat.

The old man pulled my feet out of the bucket after a few minutes and began to put pressure on them. By rubbing the feet with certain pressure points reflexologists can release tension in other parts of the body. It's pretty fascinating but very uncomfortable with sweaty feet.

I could not stop sweating. My feet soaked the pillow they were resting on. I was mortified. By the time he worked his way to my back I wanted to run out the door. Instead I stayed like a tense ball ready to explode at any moment.

I will never get a reflexology massage again. If you have sweaty feet and are tangled by the idea of someone touching your feet RED ALERT AVOID REFLEXOLOGY. I have friends who swear by reflexology and love a quick trip in an Asian oasis. I envy their ease. But at the end of the day that shit just isn't for me.

The Bad - Chatty Cathy
Right after my parents divorced my mom decided we should take a trip to Hawaii in an attempt to have a bit of peace. It turned into a sad reminder our family was no more. I digress though, I had some pennies saved and thought a massage could help my aching heart.

At 19 I was not confident in speaking up for myself. I let the massues do what she thought was best. I cringed as she massaged my feet.

She commented on my sweating.  That is one of my ultimate pet peeves-- pointing anything physically out of the norm on someone.

She had a tone like she was going to scold me. Then trying to suggest that I wasn't drinking enough water. Oh and she rattled on what was best for my acne. Congratulations lady you just announced that you are aware that I am sweaty. As if it was the first time I was hearing it. Good. For. You. Do you feel like you found the holy grail? I'm sorry I don't have a medal for you.

For fucks sake.

Wow. I just got heated remembering that moment.

Really though, this goes for anyone and any slight abnormal "thing" they may have. All that comes of it is embarrassment and the person who calls it out gets nothing. For the love of sanity think before you speak people.

The rest of the massage was fine. Just heightened insecurity is all.

The Good- Hot Oil. Rub it all over me.
The quaint spa in North Hollywood was a dream come true. The massues used hot oil which meant my sweat and the oil just kind of mixed together. I was confident the massues couldn't tell I was sweating and if she did she didn't say a god damn thing because she's the BEST.

Don't leave! I want this to last forever.

My massage was followed up with a sea salt scrub that again masked any and all sweat. The salt also helped leave my skin smooth and sweat free for a few hours after my relaxing retreat.

Parting Words
In conclusion, know that you're in charge and there are options for everyone. I always read Yelp reviews to get a sense of the spa. Just want your back and shoulders massages and hands avoided? Ask for it. You deserve it!

Let Jennifer Lawrence inspire you to enter a spa with confidence but not necessarily grace. She is true to herself and America is loving it.

Screw the norm. I get what I need.

Natural Remedy: Sage

As a self proclaimed faux hippie I thought it would be prudent to find a natural remedy to tackle my hyperhidrosis. But let's be real here. I am VERY skeptical that an herb treatment can calm my crazy sweats.

Through basic web based research Sage presented itself multiple times through various sources as the solution for excessive sweating.

The active substance of the sage – possibly mainly its ethereal oil – regulates the secretion of the sweat to a normal stage and also regulates the central nervous system, which is responsible for the control of the sweat glands.  So says sweating-help.com

Stage ONE

Not into the idea of sage tea baths (my bathtub is useless at holding water) and not willing to invest in herbal teas (the ones I saw seemed a little high to me) I went for sage capsules.

Just under $15

Verdict? Save your fifteen dollars. I took the capsules religiously for a few weeks in the morning and at night and did not see any reduction in sweating.

Stage TWO

Not ready to give up I continued to read that steeping sage for tea was successful for some helping reduce sweating by 50%. While writing and researching this post at the library yesterday I realized I was just down the street from a local health food store. I packed up my laptop and marched right on to see if they had any sage products.

I first peeked at the dry seasoning aisle. They had some derivitive of sage that I just couldn't imagine how I would soak in hot water. I then proceeded to the cosmetic aisle where I thought my brain was going to explode from sensory overload. SO many options and no idea what ingredients are in the products. I then peered into the tea aisle and low behold I found this:

Sage tea bags for $2.99!

I immediately felt like an idiot for not checking this out sooner. I could certainly splurge three dollars for this experiment.

I followed eHow's guide for sage tea: http://www.ehow.com/way_5457392_much-should-taken-excessive-sweating.html

1. Boil a cup of water
2. Pour boiled water on tea bag and let it steep for 4-5 minutes
3. DO NOT steep for more than 5 minutes. This will cause the sage to lose active ingredients meant to stop sweating and it can make it poisonous. Yikes!
4. The tea is very "earthy" smelling. Meaning it smells like shit so squeeze a wedge of lemon and bit of honey to taste. 
5. Let cool and drink!

Drinking it now it's not bad at all with the lemon and honey. My plan moving forward is to make every morning and let cool while I take my morning shower. 

I also rubbed the tea on my feet. To keep things easy I am going to focus on my feet for now and if it works move on to other areas.

Tea treat for my feet.

I recommend making a separate cup of tea that you dab your sponge or wash cloth in and another that you drink. I'm not thrilled at the extra dishes and cloths I'll need to wash but they are small sacrifices.

This experiment will take a few weeks. I'll be sure to report out if I do in fact see any results.

If you have a recipe you've found successful please share in the comments!

Fall Out and Get Back Into It

"It hurts sometimes when you’re healing. It’s the sensation of your heart growing bigger. It’s the feel of your old scar tissue breaking up and stretching. It’s the tight and fearful knots of emotion opening up and learning to relax. Those old hurts were actually shrinking your heart with tension, the way tightness in the back can curve and distort the spine. I know it hurts, but you can learn to experience these feelings as intense sensation and simply surrender yourself; trusting that a new and better you will soon emerge. Fear and resistance will increase the pain. Love and acceptance will ease it. Let your Heart open wide. You’ll be opening up more room in your life for love."

— Dorothy Mendoza Row

The above passage was read in my yoga class this evening. Wow. I urge you to reread it. Let that sink in.

It hurts to heal. 

The scar tissue I have built up around my heart. Hacking through it. 

That is a powerful visual that I completely embrace and am so thankful for. 

I've begun trying to shed the fears I've developed from hyperhidrosis, but I had a bit of a set back recently. My friends and I had a fabulous evening drinking and watching the TLC instant classic made for TV movie "Liz & Dick." We were having a merry ol' time laughing and throwing out pithy one liners. I decided to take my comments to Twitter. My friend tweeting next to me leaned over to see my account. I hesitated. I froze a bit. 

Don't panic.

Him, "Hey what's your twitter handle?" I gave him my personal account. An account I wasn't tweeting from. He leaned in again to see the name on my screen. Clearly I was not tweeting from my personal account. Me, "Oh yea... I have another Twitter account. It's mostly teen followers. They might find this stuff funny." I straight up panicked. I began to get warm. I did not want to tell him.

What happened to the new confident me that was ready to be completely honest about hyperhidrosis?! I felt like I was failing our community of sweaters. 

In yoga during standing bow, my favorite pose, the instructor tells you to kick your leg into your hand as hard as you can, so hard you feel like you might fall over. They then follow it up with if you fall out of the pose get right back into it.

So, in that moment I fell out. I went back to the scar tissue. Thinking of all the times I've been embarrassed by my sweating. It hurts sometimes to move forward when you remember the past that gave you that scar tissue. I will sweat through it and get back into it.

If you have a story like this please share in the comments. How was everyone's Thanksgiving? Anxious for the holidays? Drop me a line.

Also, there have been some great questions posted on Tumblr. Check out what others have to say. 

Let's Catch Up

I started this blog with an energy that inspired me to blog consistently for a month and a half. What a glorious energy it was. It came to a halt though. So I thought I’d take a moment to update you all on what's going on in my world.

Recently I put in my resignation notice at work. This was a terrifying moment that gave me nightmares. To heighten my fears, in the weeks leading up to my resignation one woman was fired after only a week and another woman who was hired into the department quit after a week. That means I've been a department of one... which can you call it a department with just one person? Anyhow, I'd been working solo for some time so it was hard to tell my boss I too was jumping ship. I thought for sure he'd throw a man-child fit.

Since ETS surgery I get very cold whenever I'm nervous. My body literally freezes. Ever the planner, on the day I broke the news to my boss I made sure to wear shoes that covered my whole foot and would not show sweat. I also wore a thick pair of jeans since he has a leather couch in his office that I’d need to sit on. I was prepared but my body still quivered from the cold and there was a quiver to my voice to match.

To my surprise my boss took the news quite well and actually congratulated me on my next move. My coworkers all said "Don't expect them to fight for you." It was disappointing that he didn't counter but I've learned this rarely happens. In today's job market you are replaceable. That was proven to me when I met my potential replacement. I was so thrilled when I shook her hand and it was really damp. My boss can be intimidating so I'm sure her nerves were shaken. I doubt she has HH but feeling the sweat on her hands I immediately felt a connection with her.

So what’s the new job you wonder? I will be starting a three month position with a very prominent nonprofit organization.  It's a short term job with a pay cut and no health benefits. My mind is a million places wondering what is going to happen next. Losing health insurance is the biggest blow since I finally found a doctor I liked and he has prescribed me a medication to help with my sweating (more on that soon, I haven't started taking it). How will I afford the prescription without insurance? Capitol Hill, you will see me marching. My ballot this election is heavily influenced by our candidates’ dedication to reforming the healthcare sector.

GLORIOUS snow weather.

Another perk of the new job is that I will be taking a two week trip to the snow. I could not be happier to know that I will be living in frigid temps. Living in LA, heading to wintery weather and living in the snow for two weeks is a big deal. Actually, it’s GLORIOUS. I know I will truly be at my most confident. And as soon as I'm sick of schlepping in wet terrain it will be time to come home. I pray that I don't get stuck in some ridiculous heater situation.

My most pressing worry now is picking out a bar for my farewell drinks. Must make sure there is solid AC so I don't feel nervous hugging people goodbye. Can never be too prepared.

Another update I have in the works is my dating life. Although it may be lacking it's never boring.

Until next time...

My Experience With ETS Surgery

ETS Surgery (Endoscopic thoracic sympathectomy) has changed my life in a lot of different ways. I hope to explore as much as I can in this post. Whatever I miss in this post it is bound to come out in a later entry.

Before I begin, I will consistently remind readers/sweaty friends that ETS surgery should be the absolute LAST option. Consult with your own doctors to decide what is best for you.

This is a hefty post and I hope you can stick with it. Ok let's get started.


Bagel Shop Crisis
The summer after I graduated high school I took a job at my local bagel shop. After two days I had to quit. Part of the problem was the owner didn't train me well, but the other reason was my sweaty hands. Putting gloves on and off was a maddening struggle. The sweat either trapped them on or created a jam when I put them on. My hands have a tremble/shake and when I'm under pressure it's exasperated. Cutting bagels with shaky hands is recipe for disaster.

I couldn't handle the morning rush. Bagels straight out of the toaster are fucking hot! I was fumbling around like a fool. The owner pulled me aside asking what the problem was. I simply said, "This isn't going to work out." And I left.

It was still early in the morning when I came home. My dad was just leaving for work. "What happened?" Well Dad, I quit. We didn't have time to talk about it. He rolled his eyes and went on with his commute.

My mom was home and I knew this would be my opportunity to really explain how hyperhidrosis was "ruining my life." I don't remember the words I used but I finally explained that my sweaty hands prevented me from schmearing cream cheese on bagels. I do remember midway through our convo running to my room. I dug up an old article from a teen magazine I had saved in a shoe box full of pictures and notes from my BFFs. The article was about a girl who had hyperhidrosis. When that article came out there was no Google for me to search 'hands that won't stop sweating.' This was the first time I heard of someone having the same symptoms as me. It was an OMG moment for sure. I cherished that article and it turned out to be a great way to explain something that my parents didn't quite understand.

I handed the article to my mom, "This is what I have." That was in 2004, so Google was around when I finally showed my parents the article. I had brought up my sweatyness to my parents previously but they dismissed it. For a long time I resented them for it, but as an adult I realize they had no idea what to do about it. It was easier to say, "You'll grow out of it," then figuring out how to treat it. So after our conversation and my dramatic end to a career in bagels I went on the internet and showed them, "Look there is a surgery for this."

Meeting Dr. Fischel
If you Google the name Dr. Fischel you will see a series of red flags from people attempting to sue him. That wasn't the case in 2004. He had a website that praised the results of ETS surgery and I was enamored. This was the answer to my prayers. Happy day!

He was also located in Orange County near the college I was going to attend, Chapman University. It seemed the stars had aligned.

My mom took me to my consultation with Dr. Fischel. He asked me to show him my hands. I raised them up so he could see the sweat dripping down. I began to cry immediately. Sob really, I could hardly speak.  I was talking about a problem I had suffered with in silence for the first time openly. I was overwhelmed with emotion.

He described the surgery and what was involved. That he had 100% success rate in stopping sweating in the hands. He could not stop the sweating in my arm pits and feet but they may be reduced. He briefly mentioned the possibility of compensation sweating. That some of his patients experience this.

Before I could proceed to schedule the surgery he said I would need to try a prescription strength antiperspirant. I remember he laughed it off knowing it wouldn't help in the least. My mom and I laughed too knowing it would be pointless. Regardless, we filled the prescription so we could move the ball forward on scheduling the surgery.

That was it. Surgery or antiperspirant, those were the two options he gave me. He also didn't ask if I had seen any other physicians or dermatologists regarding my HH.

My mom and I left that appointment knowing I wanted the surgery ASAP.


Dealing With Insurance
ETS Surgery is not cheap. Any operation where you're put under is going to cost you. I don't remember the total but my parents spent a solid year petitioning insurance to pay for it. As I mentioned in a post here, you have to be your own advocate to get insurance to cover treatment. And remember, if you are insured you have every right to fight for treatment. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Tips with dealing with insurance are available at SweatHelp.org.

Luckily Dr. Fischel was in the area I was living for college, as mentioned earlier, so this helped. I visited a primary physician to sign off on the surgery. I showed him my hands telling him this surgery was going to help me. "Of course! Let's get those sweaty hands taken care of." The doctor didn't think twice when writing a referral to Dr. Fischel. I had already researched my options, why would the doctor need to?

Now I know why people seek out more than one opinion. I did not and I regret that.


The Surgery
The summer of 2005 I had the surgery. There was an unprofessional hiccup from Dr. Fischel's team as they tried to reschedule the week before my surgery as they double booked the operating room. My mom being the awesome woman she is fought to keep the original date.

The surgery went off without a hitch. I was a little loopy after saying silly things but it was no different than kids after dental work. Drugs are the best!

If you want details on what the surgery entails you can see what Wikipedia has to say. It's not something I can describe too well and I don't want to say something inaccurate.


I'm Cured... Juuuust Kidding

After the surgery my hands to this day do not sweat. It still blows my mind. About a year or so later the compensation sweating became very noticeable. I have stopped the sweating in one area but I have not stopped the sweating completely. The sweat moves to other parts of the body and that is considered compensation sweating.

I knew I had a serious problem the summer I went to Washington DC. I just turned 21 and was so excited to attend Alpha Kappa Psi's bi-annual convention. This is a co-ed business fraternity I am in. I was able to confidently join the fraternity because of the surgery. Lots of hand shaking is involved with the pledging process. Yet, I noticed sweating in new areas and at extreme levels. I came to the DC convention prepared with lots of tank tops to layer. I've always worn layers to help cover pit stains, but this was different.

Some serious bonding went on during the convention. You meet so many great people and I had a fucking blast. One night a group of us decided to go to a club. I was DRENCHED in sweat. My face, arms and hands were the only parts of me that were dry. I was so embarrassed when the guy I fancied tried to dance with me. Here he was showing interest like I had hoped, but I didn't want him to touch me in any way. We danced and eventually got close. We attempted to kiss but I was so uncomfortable it went horribly. He also seemed surprised to feel how damp my body was. I remember I left a wet mark on his shirt. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I wanted to crawl into a hole and never be seen again.

When it was time to leave I made a deliberate move to go in a separate cab than him. When we all got back to our hotel I ran to my hotel room looking to change my clothes. My friend and bunk-mate called me out on the odd behavior. The fella I liked took my running away as a sign as I wasn't interested... or so I remember, I could be making that up. Regardless he shied away. I was self conscience in a whole new way. Before I was merely afraid of a guy touching my hand. Now I didn't want to come in contact at all. Luckily I can say for certain this fella wasn't the love of my life but it still sucked.

I thought maybe this was just due to DC weather. It was August after all. Maybe this was just something I would endure in humid weather? Nope. As I type this the backs of my legs are sweating profusely. I do not go a day that I don't wear a tank top under my clothes.

I've gone from fearing hand shakes to fearing hugs. Will they feel the sweat on my back?

I kid you not, the other night I was out with friends and I was tapping myself on my upper back to see if I could feel the sweat through my jacket. I wanted to make sure when I hugged people goodbye they wouldn't feel something damp.  I do the weak half assed hug now. You know the one where you're hips are a good three to four feet apart and you merely lean the chest forward and tap the shoulders. I cringe waiting for someone to call me out on it. Or if they bring me in for a legit hug to comment on how damp I am. Neither has happened.

I've also come to embrace the Irish Exit.
Urban Dictionary Definition: More specifically, the Irish exit refers to the departure from any event without telling any friends, associates or acquaintances that one is leaving. You leave without saying goodbye.  It is almost always the result of being very inebriated/intoxicated.

Rundown of Side Effects I've Experienced

• Eating: The back of my neck and chest sweats when I eat fast or eat warm foods or drink warm drinks.
• Spicy Food: My face sweats when I eat anything spicy. I have to ask for salsa on the side and I love Mexican food. This is embarrassing but I ham it up with the taco truck vendors, "Sorry! I'm a gringa"  Smile and nod as adorably as possible. If I'm at home I'll eat spicy stuff. Sometimes it feels nice to clear out the pores. 
• Boob Sweat: My boobs sweat a lot more. I've had more than one experience of a girlfriend of mine grabbing a necklace I'm wearing and getting a bit of sweat on their hands. Weird that that's happened twice, I know.
• DRIPPING Body Sweat: I can't walk down the street without coming close to sweating through my clothes. LAYERS all the time. It's not cool when a guy wants to disrobe you before sex and you have to fling all your clothes off immediately because you don't want him to touch your sweaty clothes. Also when I lay out at the pool I am constantly jumping in the water. Sweat? No, no that's pool water. Oh, you're not convinced? Time to jump in again.

I cannot emphasize this enough. DRIPPING sweat. Large beads of sweat. My body would sweat before but now instead of my hands dripping my body is. Mostly my back, chest and legs. 

• Sweaty Knees: When I go for a run or hike I have really weird lines of sweat running down. No one else has legs that look like this. I'll need to take a picture for you. If I'm in a setting that's 65+ degrees just sitting my legs are much sweatier than before the surgery. 
• Upper Back Sweat: Racerback tank tops are my best friend. I also have a good collection of cotton dresses that I can wear under my dresses. 
• Slower Heart Rate: My heart rate is slower. Can't really say that this is a negative but worth mentioning.

I can also go without sweating at all. You can read about my wonderful experience in Mammoth. But on that same trip I did experience extreme sweating. The extreme sweating is not constant but occurs daily at some point and is very inconvenient. 

Side effects are not limited to those mentioned above. Other serious complications can arise. 

You can read more about the pros and cons of ETS surgery here.

Conclusion
I am very sad to know that there were other options I could have explored first before surgery. I took what was a localized problem in my hands and spread it all over my body. I also deal with sweaty arm pits and feet but those too can be treated without surgery. I am hoping that treatment with Glycopyrrolate I will be able to control the compensation sweating. Before I would avoid certain social situations because of my sweaty hands. I still avoid social situations but in totally new ways.

It's a trade off not a cure. Professionally I am much more confident, but I can't say that I am further along in my career because of this surgery.

I am still dealing with hyperhidrosis.