Sunday, June 28, 2015

Crying Over Sweat Stains. It Still Happens.

I've been in a sad space for the last few days. I can't quite explain it, and not being able to explain it just perpetuates my sadness. AWESOME. 

Just moments ago I returned home and noticed the sweat stains all over my shirt. Pit stains. Torso stains. Back stains. 

Sadness flooded in like... I don't know what I'm so upset! I don't weep at every sweat stain. It's part of my identity at this point. I manage it. More times than not I am so used to being a sweaty person it doesn't phase me. If you've read other posts I think that's very clear.  

Then there are moments I can't help but feel so disgusting. I think why can't I just go for a walk without dripping through my clothes. My hands no longer sweat thanks to ETS surgery but my body melts down with any kind of physical exertion. I'm a healthy, active person and there is no reason I should be breaking this big of a sweat. Right now I'm crying over sweat. I feel exhausted. For those of you dealing with real problems, my sincere apologies. I'm over me too right now.

I watched Inside Out today. There's a wonderful lesson about sadness. Yadda yadda. Go see it. I won't spoil it for you. I had a rather lovely afternoon. 

I may not understand this sadness right now. Hopefully it will pass soon. It's a hell of a good reminder to book a therapy session because you can be doing just fine and get hit with an emotion like a sack of potatoes and feel like a sack of potatoes for no good reason. Well there are reasons but it doesn't totally make sense to me. 

I texted a few girlfriends this morning about the off feeling. One was feeling it too. Just yesterday I opened up to other friends for their opinion on my state of mind. One of the gals was dealing with something challenging as well. I had the comfort of knowing that I wasn't alone in navigating emotions. 

Emotions are fucked. Sweating is fucked. But it'll all be OK. I promise me and you that. Also, talk about the bad openly and others will open up too. You're not conditioned to be perfect. A friend once sent me a card that said, "Thank you for sharing your humanity." By sharing I find others give a little too. So I encourage you to try it. Share your true self -- sadness and all. 

Now that I've shared this with you I'm starting to feel a bit better already. Cheers.