Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Death to Insecurity

Tacos, Bud Light Lime-a-Ritas, and my best friends were exactly what the soul ordered last night. 

The last day in Zion my emotions got the best of me taking me on a roller coaster of god know's what. Luckily I was able to summon my "LA Family" for a dinner to catch up. Our core group of five helps keep me grounded, provides a safe space to say what's really on my mind, and allows me to be off-the-wall silly. We were long overdue for a family dinner without lovers/significant others. 

Cozy at Russell's place with slow cooked carnitas tacos (veggie tacos for Lena) we dished, laughed, and I shared my crazy brain thoughts. It felt good to get outside of my head and say exactly what was on my mind. Side bar: Bud Light Lime-a-Ritas are stupidly delicious not to mention cheap too. Those little punches of delicious alcohol might have helped propel words out of my mouth. 

Later that night, I'm not quite sure how it came up, but we got on the topic of tarot reading. Russell has a deck handy for readings. Very eager for clarity I volunteered myself for the first reading. 
I meditated on my confidence. At my first therapy appointment last month I brought it up as a key concern and it shows through my blog posts.

What do I need to do to move confidently in (romantic) relationships?

Hot damn you guys. The cards knew what was up. The reading is not meant to predict the future. You can't ask the cards a yes or no question. You have to be ready to go on a journey with the cards. It confirmed my fears and gave me the confidence to move forward.

In these cards I see hope and hilarity.  No really.

The funniest moment came when Russell said, "This next card shows how you view your present state or what you think of yourself." Quickly I said, "Watch it's going to be the death card." It wasn't the death card but it was The Tower card that shows people jumping out of a burning tower. I laughed right out loud. It's true that I feel like my life is in utter chaos. Look at the picture above. You can't help but laugh at the over dramatization. 

I ended on a high note. I got the Death Card. I was alarmed at first too, but as Russ explained it's a death to a part of me. Death to my insecurity. Good things are on their way folks.

Russ continued to read my friend's cards individually. It was a great experience to help understand which each one of us is battling with. The cards really helped us put into words what we're feeling, and how we want to move forward. 

I am very energized. Have you ever had a reading? Have you had a bad reading?